Monday, February 28, 2011

So Relieved

So the day started out really awful.  No sleep the night before, tossing and turning.  Pins and needles in my feet, itching, burning, muscle spasms...etc..etc..Then had to get up early because all of the bad storms moving in.  That weather radio just wouldnt hush it so I could sleep.  I got the oldest ones off to school, they had to ride the bus since my hands were "asleep" as they usually are.  My husband, youngest son and I decided to wait out the storms at the shop instead of at home.  Everything blew over with no damage thank goodness.  We get back home and on my way out of the truck I lose all feeling in my feet.  Its like I had forgotten how to walk or that there were no feet to begin with.  I fell flat on my back on the gravel drive with the rain pouring on top of me.  My poor husband freaked out.  I thought he was going to break his neck getting to me.  I was fine really, just a little shaken up and cold from the rain.  I realized at that very moment how lucky I am to have him.  He is truly an amazing man.  When I am frustrated over how I can not do certain things at the time and want to scream, he lets me.  He doesnt say a single word.  He rushes to help me in so many ways.  Sometimes I get so mad, not at him but at the fact that I cant do some of the simpler things that should be NO ISSUE.  I just cant wrap my head around how or why whatever this is, is progressing as quickly as it is.
The days started out bad, but ended up good.  Ive still had a few attacks, some even while trying to type this.  But, I was approved for medicaid today.  :)  I have an ongoing health issue and am within the income limits so I got it.  I was so afraid I would be denied. But wow, never thought I would be so happy about getting "welfare" as some would call it.  But when you are with no insurance and the majority of your money goes to child support for the skids and their doctor bills theres not much left at the end of the month...if any at times.  I could put a few choice words in here about that situation but what good would it do?  None at all.  Ive let go of the anger of her assuming to know my business.  Truth is, she doesnt and I shouldnt care what she thinks or says.  If she chooses to believe a certain way I cant change it.  Its not like my world should revolve around her mindset.  Nope, I choose to let go.  I have to for the sake of my health and sanity. 

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